I should say that my Eureka moment is figuring out how to work the blog and I'm sure I would get a boat load of comments about it, but I'll refrain.
On May 18th I celebrated my one year relationship to myself. This may sound a bit ridiculous and some of you may even be thinking hoooww is that something to celebrate? Truth is, since I was a sophomore in high school, age 15, I have been in some sort of relationship. Last May, when I was 20 I broke up with my boyfriend, the day before our year and a half. I analyzed my life and came to this conclusion: after each person in your life, you change in some way. I had undergone one change after the other without ever rediscovering who I had become, I would just jump into the next relationship, building onto myself, never knowing who I truly was. So a year is certainly an accomplishment for me. I have learned more about myself than I ever could have imagined. This, however was my eureka moment of last year, not the one I wish to share with you today.
This past weekend I traveled down to Parkway Exit 0, Cape May. One of my very best friends who graduated 3 years ago works for CBS and had met her new boyfriend. For MDW he was having a party with his friends and told her to bring some of her girlfriends down, so me and one of our other friends went down with her. It was great, I got to meet her new boyfriend, and also got to meet my new friend. She was a completely different person. My once loud, funny, entertaining partner in crime had turned into a soft spoken, composed personality. I couldn't believe it! He was a wonderful guy, not controlling what so ever. Worshiped the ground she walked on. His personality was on the quieter side though. That made me wonder: does she like him to the point where she changes herself? To perhaps, be less intimidating?
Our other friend that traveled down with us was on her phone with this man she was absolutely in love with, but not dating. It so happened that he was a few exits away, staying in Avalon. He asked her to come visit, and right away jumped at the ... Opportunity? I was shocked to say the least. My two amazingly beautiful friends one changing for a man, and the other being at the beckon call of another. I couldn't understand why some women feel that life is incomplete with a man or significant other. I feel that my relationship with myself is the best one I've been in in a very long time.
To say the least, I had a great time but it's a good thing it was memorial day weekend and not 4th of July weekend, because there was absolutely no independence being seen but my own.
Week 6 Eureka Moment
15 years ago
So i enjoyed your post for a couple reasons. First i started dating my boyfriend when i was 16 and we have been dating ever since. We have been together 8 years now and we are still as happy as we ever were. One of the reasons i believe we are so happy is neither one of us gave up our own lives just to make our relationship stronger. We live together now so it was a little weired at first to live in the same house and have our own lives but within the last year we have managed to integrate both our lives together so that it works out for the best of both. I have never been at his becon call nor have i asked him to be at mine. While we do a lot together now we still have a couple days where i need a strictly girls day and he needs to hang with just the guys. Now i feel that being able to do all of the above has made it better for us in the long run. Thats more than i can say for my best friend.
ReplyDeleteWhen i was in high school my best friend spend a lot of time with my boyfriend and i but never once did either of us make her feel/ or treat her like she was the 3rd wheel. She never really dated anyone in high school and when she did we all went on double dates. Well last year she met a guy on eharmony. Dont get me wrong i dont have anything against finding someone through an online dating website but i think her relationship is out of control. Since she met him a little over a year ago she has almost completly shut me out, she only calls when she needs something, she is now living with him and getting married in august ALL WITHIN 1 YEAR. Keep in mind that we are only 23. Whenever i am alone with them they act like i am not even there. I dont understand how all those years i can go out of my way to make her feel like she isnt a 3rd wheel just to have her turn around and not pay the same respect to me. The relationship is all wrong, i think they havent known eachother well enough to get married but thats just my opinion. How can you really know someone that well in just 1 year? Maybe thats just me.
Its sad to say that i am losing a really close friend over a guy but i guess its more common then i thought i just never expected a guy to come between a friendship, my boyfriend would never even think about getting in the way of my friendships with my girlfriends!
Taran,
ReplyDeleteIt's very hard to watch your very closest friends change before your eyes. I also had a very close friend change. She started dating a married man. I don't believe in dating married men. It's wrong under any circumstances. Prior to her dating this man, she and I were on the same page "Married men are off limits". She knew he was married because she worked with him. So it's not like he lyed to her about being married, she knew and still persued him. I told her straight up that it is wrong and if they are meant to be together than he needs to leave his wife to figure out what he really wants. She needed to give him space to figure out things but she wouldn't stop dating him.
As time goes by, people change. Sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad. People change going through their own experiences. And in my friends case she changed for the bad!
Just try to understand that they are not doing this to hurt anyone, they just want to be happy. And for them being happy is being in a relationship. To each their own but don't give up, Life is always changing! Nicole
Tiffany-
ReplyDeleteI have been in your situation before as well. IN that exact one and in others similar. I guess the thing i've learned from it is that everyone is different. I used to have friends whose backs I would have till the end of the world, but when I just needed someone to stand behind me, not even say anything or mouth a defending remark, just simply stand there, they'd walk away. It's upsetting and I can see why it hits home for you, being a best friend for so many years and all. You learn from these things though. In my situations that were like that, I would remain friends with them, but never as close, and the future friends I made, i tried to find people who were more like me, and would put as much into a friendship as i would, not one sided.
On a lighter note, I think thats wonderful that you and your boyfriend have been together so long, and havent changed or altered yourselves. Its important to have friends regardless of how strong a relationship is. Within a year, having your friend meet a guy and now be engaged must really open your eyes, esp. since you and your boyfriend have been together for so much longer and still aren't moving at that pace. You never know, but whats unfortunate is, she is shutting you out, and if this eharmony man falls through or doesn't turn out to be what she thinks it is, she will need a person badly, one who she has hurt badly.
Every thing is a lesson, and maybe this is a lesson she will need to learn. But hopefully she learns. Its frustrating when people experience things and never learn from them, they just continue to make the same mistake over and over again.
-Taran