Response to Heather

Heather,

I mention in my post the show The Real Housewives of NJ. In the reunion that was on last night, there is a discussion about an argument the one woman had with her husband and his sister. The wife had a new born baby, and two other children, and finally, one day she said "I need a break" and had the father take care of them while she went out and had some alone time for herself. Immediately after she left, he called his sister to come over and babysit! I couldn't believe when I heard this, and I completely agreed that she should have been upset, the way she was.

I feel like when fathers act this way, they may LOVE their children, and their wives, but it shows complete disrespect towards both opposite parties, and I feel it only makes it appear that they mean little to nothing of importance. My father always made sure to come to my swim meets or dance recitals and I love him for that. He was always extremely busy, but he made the time.

I agree with you though, a healthy relationship with both your spouse and your children really require both adults and parents making efforts with their children and helping one another out with the responsibility.

-Taran
June 26, 2009 1:21 PM

Response to Joan, week 6

Taran G said...

Joan,

That's so true. I love when my guy friends go out to eat together, even more so when its just two of them, I feel like it really shows their open minds of friendship, what it means, and how acceptable it is. It's funny how women are seen together or in pairs so much more than men, whether it's for shopping, dinner/meal, movies, anything. It's so nice to see that men in the world today are in a position to do something like this without feeling awkward or odd.

It makes me wonder, a long time ago men used to find one another as great companions, and would even kiss one another! I wonder if the reason for that being labeled as "homosexual" or not masculine is due to the homosexuals voicing their feelings and beliefs, rather than hiding them like they used to. Perhaps when the first "coming out of the closet" occurred, it made men skeptical and more hesitant to engage in situations that may, now, be viewed as homosexual habits.

-Taran
June 26, 2009 1:07 PM

The Real Housewives of NJ - Eureka #6

Last night as I was trying to go to sleep I was watching the Real Housewives of NJ reunion. I'm not sure if you guys have seen this show, or you may even possibly watch it on a regular basis, but one of the mothers has both male and female children and mentioned how she is very hard on her male children's (adult age) girlfriends, never mentioning her daughter and her boyfriends.

During my life I have experienced the Italian mothers who give me a hard time when I date their son's, and I have also met men my age who have dated women whose fathers have intimidated them, and I wondered to myself whether or not this is a similar situation? Do you think one has a harder time than the other? Do you feel that fathers have higher expectations and are harder on their daughter's boyfriends than mothers are towards their son's girlfriends?

What she did mention about her daughter is that she hopes that she is prepared to be a housewife, and is capable of doing wife/mother jobs, such as cleaning a house, preparing a meal, doing laundry etc.

Further more, one of the other women on the show had mentioned a time when she had needed a break from the children and some time alone so she asked her husband to watch the kids while she went out. She later found out that he had called one of his sisters to come and babysit and became furious. I agree that I would be upset aswell, but what are your thoughts? Do you feel that his immediate act of surrendering and handing over his children to a woman means he is incapable of taking care of them or unwilling. How do you feel this reflects his love for them and his wife who needed the break?

response to Kesha Week #5

Taran G said...

Its funny how amazed guys get when a girl will look at porn. I guess its because they accept the fact that men are labeled as the gender who cant help but think about sex constantly, where as women, it's dirty or unheard of for them to act that way. I think that a lot of the reason for this boils down to the same reason why men are considered pimps if they sleep with large amounts of women, but women are slutty if they do.

Fact of the matter is, that woman would have been buying that as a joke for a bachelorette gift, herself, her husband - you never know, but it's def. obvious that men/boys/males in general are always going to be viewed as the ones who are immature and is expected and acceptable for them to act in certain ways and to do certain things. They embrace society's view and stereotype, I wonder how women would be viewed if we embraced societies view and stereotype that women are emotional head cases who cry, overreact, and dramatize every situation. What would the reaction be if a woman stormed around crying and spreading gossip and when approached about it, the woman just laughing and saying so? i'm a woman, thats what the sterotype is, so whats the matter with me acting this way? Which is basically how men react about their behavior. Would women be respected for it the way men are for their behaviors? Would it become acceptable?

...double-standards :-/

-Taran
June 19, 2009 8:45 PM

Tonya's Eureka #4

Taran G said...

You know, It's interesting because I was reading an article the other day while at the doctors office, it was made by that man, the matchmaker on the show Tough Love. I recell, now that you brought it up, reading something in the "signs" signs meaning, signs your over doing it and what you need to do to fix it so a man will find you approachable, and one sign said something like... if you find yourself opening or holding doors for everyone, men or women. I thought that was kinda strange. My parents always taught me that that was the polite thing to do, and I felt myself wishing i could talk to this guy, that if anything, i would think - would make a man NOT want to be with you if you just walk through a door and not hold it for them, letting it slam in their face. I think it makes you look stuck up and rude. I don;t view myself as a princess or high above males just because i am female.

I DO believe there is a difference between area in the country and how men act, their thoughts on women. I have moved quite alot in my life. I have lived in New England-(Rhode Island), the south- (Virginia), the mid-west - (Ohio), and now the tri-state area- ( New Jersey). I have certainly noticed a difference in the way that men act and the way they interpret women. I feel that the South certainly are raised differently based on "respect" for women in the sense of the classic chivalry role, holding doors for women, standing up from a table when a woman enters a room or rises to be excused. Its interesting how some women may interpret this if not accustomed to it. Some women view it as, what ever you can do i can do also, or better, there is no need to open doors for me or give me special treatment. It depends on what you are surrounded by and how you were raised. I do feel that the north east is a bit more fast pace and less traditional, therefore making situations like this different from how other places would react or perform.

Thats a big reason why I find it strange when i read a book that groups "American society" as one. i feel that some things are acceptable in some areas, and unacceptable in others. Each place is very different.

-Taran
June 19, 2009 8:33 PM

Response to week #5 Maissa

Taran G said...

This is such a great topic! I feel like it's very debatable. I was talking to my guy friend last night and he mentioned how he didn't trust his last girlfriend, but if he and I dated he would trust me to do anything, and always believe me. says because I am such a straight forward girl, he realizes that anything I do, i'm eventually going to wind up telling him, and that he knows if we were dating I wouldnt do anything to hurt him. This may be because we have known one another for such a long time or because were good friends and he trusts me not to hurt him for that reason. I feel that it certainly makes a difference with how long you knew the person you are dating before you dated, see what their personality is like besides when its your partner, but also i think it depends on how much you offer in the relationship. I feel that the person who is less worried and jealous are the ppl who receive constant compliments and acknowledgment from their partner. Perhaps women enforce men with more compliments and tell them how they feel about them more openly, so maybe this is why it seems that it is men that are usually less jealous, but I feel that if a man gave a woman he is dating constant reinforcement, told her how much he loved her, cared for her, and how attracted to her he was, there would be less doubt in her mind and she would feel less threatened by her sig. other being around other women.

I do feel that I am guilty of a stereotype of that though, if its considered one. In the past I have had boyfriends that i get upset and feel insignificant and jealous when they talk about how another female is attractive around me, but I know that when I talk about how great looking a man is, it is commonly considered funny, and acceptable and i dont worry at all about my boyfriend being upset, because "men don't get upset like that". I guess that goes along with the whole, men not feeling they can show their emotions thing. Even i'm guilty of assuming a man doesn't bother himself with those types of aggravation or feelings.
-Taran
June 19, 2009 8:18 PM

Week 5 Eureka

I had a similar experience to the "man sandwich" situation. While out to breakfast with some of my friends, there were six of us: three women and three men. At some point, not quite sure how it got brought up but they started talk about how flowers are "girlie" and one of the men asked himself aloud "what kind of flowers are manly?" They decided on a tree being manly. I asked them why they felt that tree's are considered manly, yet flowers considered feminine, or girlie. They explained that flowers are bright and colorful, and dainty, yet tree's are tall, thick strong and last through seasons and produce the most oxygen and a whole bunch of nonsense. They didn't intentionally mean any harm, and since we were all good friends I didn't take it to heart, but i felt it was good conversation for this.

Its interesting how bright colorful decorative or dainty things are considered for women and feminine. Peacocks for instance, the females are the brown boring looking birds, and the male peacocks are the birds with the bright colorful feathers, what many may presume are the females. The purpose is that the male species is who initiates the mating and must attract the females. Why is this acceptable but a bright colorful sweater is feminine or "gay" or why is the color pink considered a girl color, or flowers considered girly.

I think this is all very interesting, Just goes to show how much traditional thinking really shapes peoples opinions and actions.