Taran G said...
Kesha-
This is a pretty serious situation. My first question is, does his wife have any knowledge that he went to these groups to try and 'convert' him, or any idea that before their marriage, that he was known as a homo sexual man?
I think this is interesting, because there is the idea of bi-sexuality as well. Does he find her attractive? -In a sexual way? Or did he fall in love with her personality and married her because it was easily accepted.
My sisters very good friend is now dating a young woman. For as long as I had known her she was dating guys/men. Though this doesn't change her sexual preference, some descriptions of her would be beautiful, popular, she was on the cheerleading squad with my sister, and dated a wonderful, smart, popular guy in high school.
When she explains her girlfreind and the relationship, she says that its not that she is attracted to 'women', its that she is attracted to that specific WOMAN. The person her girlfriend is, is so wonderful, and attractive, smart, etc. and that is why she loves her and is in a relationship. She doesn't love her for the simple concept that it is a woman, yet she doesn't love her "in spite" of the fact either.
I wonder now, is this the difference between homosexuals, and bisexuals? Are homosexuals attracted to a humans sex and gender? Is that what turns them on?
This is why I am curious about your friend. You say he admitted to imagining his wife as a man while having sex. Is this because he does not find females attractive in a sexual way? or is it because he is not fully in love with her...
I feel that situations like this are hard for both partners. Its hard for the homosexual partner because they are, in some cases, trying to force themselves into a relationship because its socially acceptable, but I really feel for the partner they are joined to, for many reasons. I dont think that it is fair for a person to fall in love with someone who isn't truly being themselves. Also, that person may be truly in love with their husband or wife, but on the flip side, to them, they are with them because they are trying to "become" heterosexual, or accepted, or hide their homosexuality and desires. I would be fully heartbroken if i fell in love with a man, and later found out that he married me in attempts to be viewed as "normal" and that he wasn't fully attracted to me. It wastes the persons time and emotions, and complicates many things. If i had children with a man aswell, that would make matters even worse.
Don't get me wrong, I see the struggle of both sides, and I see the struggle for your friend, and people in his position, but you can't change who you are or what you like, it's not entirely fair to lead someone into that hardship and struggle unknowingly.
In total, I think its a bad situation. But no, I don't think you can "change" someone from being gay or straight. However, to every rule, there are exceptions. I may have a "type" of tall, tan men with dark hair and blue eyes. Search for these people, date these people, fantasize about these types of men, but then one day I might meet an African American man, or Indian man, or Asian man, or some type of man who I never found caught my eye in the past, but suddenly does.
It's a hard question to answer with a yes or no.
Sorry if I rambled on for a while.Good Eureka comment!
-Taran
June 3, 2009 12:11 PM
Week 6 Eureka Moment
15 years ago
To answer some of your questions in response to my post. I have known him for about 9 years. The first six years that we knew each other he lived his life as an openly gay male. He tells me that he has always loved men and actually his wife was the first woman that he had been with. I don't think he is bisexual. I personally think he did it for religious reasons and not because he really desires women.
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