Response to Heather

Heather,

I mention in my post the show The Real Housewives of NJ. In the reunion that was on last night, there is a discussion about an argument the one woman had with her husband and his sister. The wife had a new born baby, and two other children, and finally, one day she said "I need a break" and had the father take care of them while she went out and had some alone time for herself. Immediately after she left, he called his sister to come over and babysit! I couldn't believe when I heard this, and I completely agreed that she should have been upset, the way she was.

I feel like when fathers act this way, they may LOVE their children, and their wives, but it shows complete disrespect towards both opposite parties, and I feel it only makes it appear that they mean little to nothing of importance. My father always made sure to come to my swim meets or dance recitals and I love him for that. He was always extremely busy, but he made the time.

I agree with you though, a healthy relationship with both your spouse and your children really require both adults and parents making efforts with their children and helping one another out with the responsibility.

-Taran
June 26, 2009 1:21 PM

Response to Joan, week 6

Taran G said...

Joan,

That's so true. I love when my guy friends go out to eat together, even more so when its just two of them, I feel like it really shows their open minds of friendship, what it means, and how acceptable it is. It's funny how women are seen together or in pairs so much more than men, whether it's for shopping, dinner/meal, movies, anything. It's so nice to see that men in the world today are in a position to do something like this without feeling awkward or odd.

It makes me wonder, a long time ago men used to find one another as great companions, and would even kiss one another! I wonder if the reason for that being labeled as "homosexual" or not masculine is due to the homosexuals voicing their feelings and beliefs, rather than hiding them like they used to. Perhaps when the first "coming out of the closet" occurred, it made men skeptical and more hesitant to engage in situations that may, now, be viewed as homosexual habits.

-Taran
June 26, 2009 1:07 PM

The Real Housewives of NJ - Eureka #6

Last night as I was trying to go to sleep I was watching the Real Housewives of NJ reunion. I'm not sure if you guys have seen this show, or you may even possibly watch it on a regular basis, but one of the mothers has both male and female children and mentioned how she is very hard on her male children's (adult age) girlfriends, never mentioning her daughter and her boyfriends.

During my life I have experienced the Italian mothers who give me a hard time when I date their son's, and I have also met men my age who have dated women whose fathers have intimidated them, and I wondered to myself whether or not this is a similar situation? Do you think one has a harder time than the other? Do you feel that fathers have higher expectations and are harder on their daughter's boyfriends than mothers are towards their son's girlfriends?

What she did mention about her daughter is that she hopes that she is prepared to be a housewife, and is capable of doing wife/mother jobs, such as cleaning a house, preparing a meal, doing laundry etc.

Further more, one of the other women on the show had mentioned a time when she had needed a break from the children and some time alone so she asked her husband to watch the kids while she went out. She later found out that he had called one of his sisters to come and babysit and became furious. I agree that I would be upset aswell, but what are your thoughts? Do you feel that his immediate act of surrendering and handing over his children to a woman means he is incapable of taking care of them or unwilling. How do you feel this reflects his love for them and his wife who needed the break?

response to Kesha Week #5

Taran G said...

Its funny how amazed guys get when a girl will look at porn. I guess its because they accept the fact that men are labeled as the gender who cant help but think about sex constantly, where as women, it's dirty or unheard of for them to act that way. I think that a lot of the reason for this boils down to the same reason why men are considered pimps if they sleep with large amounts of women, but women are slutty if they do.

Fact of the matter is, that woman would have been buying that as a joke for a bachelorette gift, herself, her husband - you never know, but it's def. obvious that men/boys/males in general are always going to be viewed as the ones who are immature and is expected and acceptable for them to act in certain ways and to do certain things. They embrace society's view and stereotype, I wonder how women would be viewed if we embraced societies view and stereotype that women are emotional head cases who cry, overreact, and dramatize every situation. What would the reaction be if a woman stormed around crying and spreading gossip and when approached about it, the woman just laughing and saying so? i'm a woman, thats what the sterotype is, so whats the matter with me acting this way? Which is basically how men react about their behavior. Would women be respected for it the way men are for their behaviors? Would it become acceptable?

...double-standards :-/

-Taran
June 19, 2009 8:45 PM

Tonya's Eureka #4

Taran G said...

You know, It's interesting because I was reading an article the other day while at the doctors office, it was made by that man, the matchmaker on the show Tough Love. I recell, now that you brought it up, reading something in the "signs" signs meaning, signs your over doing it and what you need to do to fix it so a man will find you approachable, and one sign said something like... if you find yourself opening or holding doors for everyone, men or women. I thought that was kinda strange. My parents always taught me that that was the polite thing to do, and I felt myself wishing i could talk to this guy, that if anything, i would think - would make a man NOT want to be with you if you just walk through a door and not hold it for them, letting it slam in their face. I think it makes you look stuck up and rude. I don;t view myself as a princess or high above males just because i am female.

I DO believe there is a difference between area in the country and how men act, their thoughts on women. I have moved quite alot in my life. I have lived in New England-(Rhode Island), the south- (Virginia), the mid-west - (Ohio), and now the tri-state area- ( New Jersey). I have certainly noticed a difference in the way that men act and the way they interpret women. I feel that the South certainly are raised differently based on "respect" for women in the sense of the classic chivalry role, holding doors for women, standing up from a table when a woman enters a room or rises to be excused. Its interesting how some women may interpret this if not accustomed to it. Some women view it as, what ever you can do i can do also, or better, there is no need to open doors for me or give me special treatment. It depends on what you are surrounded by and how you were raised. I do feel that the north east is a bit more fast pace and less traditional, therefore making situations like this different from how other places would react or perform.

Thats a big reason why I find it strange when i read a book that groups "American society" as one. i feel that some things are acceptable in some areas, and unacceptable in others. Each place is very different.

-Taran
June 19, 2009 8:33 PM

Response to week #5 Maissa

Taran G said...

This is such a great topic! I feel like it's very debatable. I was talking to my guy friend last night and he mentioned how he didn't trust his last girlfriend, but if he and I dated he would trust me to do anything, and always believe me. says because I am such a straight forward girl, he realizes that anything I do, i'm eventually going to wind up telling him, and that he knows if we were dating I wouldnt do anything to hurt him. This may be because we have known one another for such a long time or because were good friends and he trusts me not to hurt him for that reason. I feel that it certainly makes a difference with how long you knew the person you are dating before you dated, see what their personality is like besides when its your partner, but also i think it depends on how much you offer in the relationship. I feel that the person who is less worried and jealous are the ppl who receive constant compliments and acknowledgment from their partner. Perhaps women enforce men with more compliments and tell them how they feel about them more openly, so maybe this is why it seems that it is men that are usually less jealous, but I feel that if a man gave a woman he is dating constant reinforcement, told her how much he loved her, cared for her, and how attracted to her he was, there would be less doubt in her mind and she would feel less threatened by her sig. other being around other women.

I do feel that I am guilty of a stereotype of that though, if its considered one. In the past I have had boyfriends that i get upset and feel insignificant and jealous when they talk about how another female is attractive around me, but I know that when I talk about how great looking a man is, it is commonly considered funny, and acceptable and i dont worry at all about my boyfriend being upset, because "men don't get upset like that". I guess that goes along with the whole, men not feeling they can show their emotions thing. Even i'm guilty of assuming a man doesn't bother himself with those types of aggravation or feelings.
-Taran
June 19, 2009 8:18 PM

Week 5 Eureka

I had a similar experience to the "man sandwich" situation. While out to breakfast with some of my friends, there were six of us: three women and three men. At some point, not quite sure how it got brought up but they started talk about how flowers are "girlie" and one of the men asked himself aloud "what kind of flowers are manly?" They decided on a tree being manly. I asked them why they felt that tree's are considered manly, yet flowers considered feminine, or girlie. They explained that flowers are bright and colorful, and dainty, yet tree's are tall, thick strong and last through seasons and produce the most oxygen and a whole bunch of nonsense. They didn't intentionally mean any harm, and since we were all good friends I didn't take it to heart, but i felt it was good conversation for this.

Its interesting how bright colorful decorative or dainty things are considered for women and feminine. Peacocks for instance, the females are the brown boring looking birds, and the male peacocks are the birds with the bright colorful feathers, what many may presume are the females. The purpose is that the male species is who initiates the mating and must attract the females. Why is this acceptable but a bright colorful sweater is feminine or "gay" or why is the color pink considered a girl color, or flowers considered girly.

I think this is all very interesting, Just goes to show how much traditional thinking really shapes peoples opinions and actions.

Response to Tonya Week 4

Tonya,

To an extent, I know how you feel. I am 21 and was diagnosed with ADD when I was 19 years old, beginning my Soph. year in college. I remember realizing the difficulty I had to complete assignments or even tasks around the house, like clean my room or even just get up off my seat and go to my sports practices. I was hardly ever motivated and hardly could connect situations. For example, my mind would wander during the worst times: reading, I would have to re-read pages, books, chapters just because every time I would start to read, I would be thinking of other things. Then it started getting scary, and dangerous. I would drive home from school, an hour and a half, and hardly remember how I had gotten there, because I was just thinking about a million other things.

I had always done well in school, but I had to be VERY dedicated, and determined, which at times, it just called for too much from me. I explained my concern to my mom and right away she took me to a doctor.

On the way, she explained that she had actually tried to have me screened for ADD at a young age, but never believed in medicine fixing things about who we are, so when I said I wanted nothing to do with it, she let it go right away.

Once she had told me this, I remembered the time. I had to bring tests and questionnaires to my teachers etc. and the thought of me being on medicine? Well as a young child I viewed this as : if I go on medicine, that means there is something wrong with me. So i denied the idea and procedure to the fullest.

Now, I can see where your situation was far different, but I too know what its like to be an adult with the disorder. It really makes a world of difference with the help. What did and didn't happened to you as a young girl is unfortunate. Luckily things are set straight and we have people who are including girls in on their research ... You're right though, it's upsetting that men and boys are always the tested result and the measurement they tend to use overall.

-Taran
June 12, 2009 7:50 PM

Response to Kesha's Week 4

Taran G said...

That kind of stuff bothers me. Not so much that the movie had a naked man in it. I think that it's annoying that a naked women is always shown on TV and movies, where as a naked man isn't. In no way am I saying that I am craving for a movie that reveals a naked man, but just the balance is ridiculous! I personally feel very uncomfortable when I am watching a movie and see naked women running around through sprinklers and kissing one another in some frat house, especially when I am with a guy, or even worse, one of my parents.

It's understandable that you would have that initial reaction, unfortunately we are "use" to seeing women naked on TV or any type of entertainment. It's too bad that thats something thats become a regular occurrence.

-Taran
June 12, 2009 7:37 PM

Response to Tiffany's Eureka Week 4

Taran G said...

Ooohhhh man... Interesting. What'd be even MORE interesting is if this guy also believes that women should prepare the food as well, considering they can only "eat" certain foods.

Personally, I think it's frustrating when men think women should only eat salads and drink water with lemon. Especially since I am a women who likes good food! lol, seriously though, that goes along with the whole image of women. Women are "Supposed" to be thin, in good shape, eat salads, change diapers, clean dishes, etc.

I realize that a lot of these thoughts and views root from our society, but it makes me wonder, did this man grow up with any sisters? Female cousins? What was his mother like? What was his relationship like between his mother and father? I think family and surroundings have a great influence as well.
June 12, 2009 7:22 PM

Week 4 Eureka - Men paying for everything

I was out at a bar last week. As I was in the bathroom, I heard these girls talking about how they were going to get guys to just buy them drinks and something about how the one man she was talking to earlier didn't offer to buy her a drink so she left and found someone else.

I feel that this is so unfortunate that there are women out there looking for a great guy, who'll talk to them and actually have a decent conversation with them, and then there are other women out there making ladies look like gold diggers, and uninterested unless you have money.

I can see how an educated woman would want someone who has intelligence and has a good life, not a bum on the street, however, why do some women concentrate so much on whether or not a man has money or not?

When I was in high school I worked at a tanning salon. We had an hourly wage but also made a percent of commission. We went to sales training for the beds and products we sold. I was working one day with this other girl when a man walked in from his beat up pick up truck, wearing construction boots, ripped jeans, muddy shirt, and needed a shave, bad! The girl who was working with me just laughed and said you can have this one. Mainly what she was doing ( or thinking she was doing ) was giving me a customer who wouldn't buy anything or didn't have money, and it would lower my average sales per customer.

I took the customer, and offered him the sale deals I did any other customer. He bought the $100 tanning lotion, and the most expensive monthly membership of $250/month. Besides the fact that her mouth dropped, which was lovely! I felt good that I didn't discriminate. Turns out the man was a huge contractor, and had an amazing amount of money. This just goes to show you, you can't judge a book by its cover, and you certainly can't assume you know someone. Turns out this man goes home each night to a huge mansion, parks his beat up truck in the garage, showers, puts on designer clothes and hops into his BMW sports car.

Its unfortunate that people are so judgmental. You never really know who your dealing with these days.

Response to Kesha's Week #3 Eureka Comment. A homosexual being 'cured'?

Taran G said...

Kesha-
This is a pretty serious situation. My first question is, does his wife have any knowledge that he went to these groups to try and 'convert' him, or any idea that before their marriage, that he was known as a homo sexual man?

I think this is interesting, because there is the idea of bi-sexuality as well. Does he find her attractive? -In a sexual way? Or did he fall in love with her personality and married her because it was easily accepted.

My sisters very good friend is now dating a young woman. For as long as I had known her she was dating guys/men. Though this doesn't change her sexual preference, some descriptions of her would be beautiful, popular, she was on the cheerleading squad with my sister, and dated a wonderful, smart, popular guy in high school.

When she explains her girlfreind and the relationship, she says that its not that she is attracted to 'women', its that she is attracted to that specific WOMAN. The person her girlfriend is, is so wonderful, and attractive, smart, etc. and that is why she loves her and is in a relationship. She doesn't love her for the simple concept that it is a woman, yet she doesn't love her "in spite" of the fact either.

I wonder now, is this the difference between homosexuals, and bisexuals? Are homosexuals attracted to a humans sex and gender? Is that what turns them on?

This is why I am curious about your friend. You say he admitted to imagining his wife as a man while having sex. Is this because he does not find females attractive in a sexual way? or is it because he is not fully in love with her...

I feel that situations like this are hard for both partners. Its hard for the homosexual partner because they are, in some cases, trying to force themselves into a relationship because its socially acceptable, but I really feel for the partner they are joined to, for many reasons. I dont think that it is fair for a person to fall in love with someone who isn't truly being themselves. Also, that person may be truly in love with their husband or wife, but on the flip side, to them, they are with them because they are trying to "become" heterosexual, or accepted, or hide their homosexuality and desires. I would be fully heartbroken if i fell in love with a man, and later found out that he married me in attempts to be viewed as "normal" and that he wasn't fully attracted to me. It wastes the persons time and emotions, and complicates many things. If i had children with a man aswell, that would make matters even worse.

Don't get me wrong, I see the struggle of both sides, and I see the struggle for your friend, and people in his position, but you can't change who you are or what you like, it's not entirely fair to lead someone into that hardship and struggle unknowingly.



In total, I think its a bad situation. But no, I don't think you can "change" someone from being gay or straight. However, to every rule, there are exceptions. I may have a "type" of tall, tan men with dark hair and blue eyes. Search for these people, date these people, fantasize about these types of men, but then one day I might meet an African American man, or Indian man, or Asian man, or some type of man who I never found caught my eye in the past, but suddenly does.

It's a hard question to answer with a yes or no.

Sorry if I rambled on for a while.Good Eureka comment!
-Taran
June 3, 2009 12:11 PM

Response to Teandra's Eureaka week #3 Whats considered cheating?

Taran G said...

I find this interesting, I must be honest, the second i read your post about this guy saying, blah blah, yea it wasnt me but... some guys i know did this... what do YOU think of it? Right away I thought haaaa, you mean YOU did it, and your saying it was other people to try and get an honest opinion out of me without tarnishing my thoughts of you. I may be right, or he may be telling the truth, never know - did you ever think of it that way?

But anyways! I agree with our text book in the fact that men and women have different understandings and communicate differently, but in my mind, i think for a man or woman to say it is a communication misunderstanding of what "cheating" is considered, kill the act. You know very well that most likely the one who cheated, regrets it or realizes what they did wrong, and says oh, i don't consider that cheating - and that very same person would be upset, shocked, angry, disgusted by the same acts and behaviors being done towards them.
For instance: If a man says, yeh, I was drunk; it didn't mean anything; it was only a kiss; it was my bachelor party; but were not married; cant you just forgive me and get over it? Say the exact situation was reversed and it was the girl saying it to the man, or vice versa - that person would most likely object to the performance and antics.

I'll tell you what though, the next boyfriend I have better "communicate" properly and recognize any type of action with attraction and sexual motives is going to be considered cheating, and if thats not how they feel, then thats going to be over before it begins.

Whats the point in having an exclusive person, if your interesting in other people or the thought of being with someone else? Be single instead, don't jeopardize another persons feelings and emotions.
June 3, 2009 11:47 AM

Week #3 Eureka - Does personal Preference Change Acceptance?

This past weekend I went to Cape Cod, Massachusetts for my family graduation party. My entire family from both my fathers side, and my mothers side attended.
My mom's sister is a beautiful, outgoing, hilarious woman who is still not married, though has a boyfriend for abut 2 years now. My father's younger sister is a lesbian. As we were all outside eating, talking, and catching up with one another I heard my mothers sister talking about the tatoo she had just gotten. You may be thinking, beautiful, outgoing, and hilarious? I know a woman like that, my guess is you don't int he degree i mean these words. She is about 43, and her tatoo? on her ... ill use the word "bum", and it is of the tazmanian devil. This is just the person she is. She finds humor in random things and enjoys it thoroughtly.
As i mentioned above, i heard her talking about it and next thing I know, I am turning around to see her standing backside to my lesbian aunt, showing her her new tatoo. Now, she had shown, my mother, my sister, our cousins, her other sisters, etc. this tatoo, but the moment I saw her pulling down the top of her underwear to shw my father's lesbian sister my mouth dropped.
Looking back, I realize perhaps I shouldnt have viewed it this way. They dont deserve to be discriminated against, and I never thouht that I did. I love my aunt just as much as my 4 others, but the moment I saw that i thought to myself, hmmmm... should she be doing that.
I know that girls, especially, get very clsoe when they are friends and possibly even change infront of one another. But this made me wonder, would things change if i found out that one of my frineds was a lesbian? I would hope not, and though i wouldnt dislike them by any means, I am wondering if my comfortability would alter. Have any of you ever been in a situation like this? or caught yourself thinking in a way you never saw yourself thinking?

In response to Taryn's Eureka week #3 - Have children or not

Taran G said...
I don't think there is anything wrong with you not wanting to have kids. It's ridic. that someone at work thinks your a lesbian for this reason. If anything I think it's nice that your standing by your decission. If you feel taht strongly agasint having children, you must not want them. It would be an awful situation to put you and the child in if you went ahead and had one. I think that many times people don't think about the child. They think of how it will effect THEIR lives, or THEIR schedule. The child has no say in its life. Its born into what ever family it is and must make do with what it's given. On the other hand, parents can think logically. I think people need to think about it that way. Is it important that you have kids? or is it more important that people who want kids get them, and raise a child that they are honored to have and have the time to raise it. I am in no way saying that you wouldnt treat your child well, i am simply saying that you are making a mature decission by realizing your intrests, lifestyle, and personality, and realize that a child wouldn't fit in it for you.
-Taran

Response to Joans Eureka Moment, Week #3

Joan,
How funny you should say that. Just last night i was watching "Platnum Weddings" a show on TV where rich couples have this extravagant wedding and it mentions how much each luxury costs etc. Many times, the couples on the show have wedding planners, who are typically women or gay men. During the episode, ( i tuned in towards the end ) they were showing the wedding while there was a male voice describing aspects of the wedding night, not showing his face. I assumed it was one of the homosexual wedding planners: he was talking with a "feminine" tone, and mentioning styling qualities rather than the typical moments it would be expected for a guy to notice. Once it showed who was speaking - IT WAS THE HUSBAND! I was so shocked. So, like you, I fell hard at the stereotype, with just the sound of a voice! Not even a look or manerisms like you.
-Taran

Chivalrous Men!! - in response to Joan's Eureka Moment .Week #2

Joan -

I am SO happy you mentioned this. I don't mean this in anyway to offend feminists or anyone, but I feel that that is definitely a perk to being a woman. Now i have heard some women say 'I hate when men open doors for me, are you implying that I am not strong enough to open the door for myself?' - I just feel like views such as this are so negative. It almost seems like they are trying to make it so that men cannot do ANYTHING good/right/unbiased. Chivalry is a lost art now a days, and I wonder if it is for this specific reason. I can understand womens rights and equality and the need to feel included and respected, but in my opinion, a man isn't thinking, let me take this bottle of soda because she looks like shes weak and might break an arm. I have one younger brother, he is the only boy in the family other than my father. He has two older sisters, myself, and my younger sister and my mother. He is extremely polite and courteous to women and girls his age, perhaps because of the fact of us three being around him all of the time. I know for a fact that when he does something such as opening a door or helping a girl or woman, he is doing it because he feels it is polite, nice, and respectful. I know that if i saw a man open a door for a woman and the woman rejected with an accusation of degration i would most certainly say something. In reality not ALL men are sexist or shovanistic, some are honestly trying to be gentlemen, and I think the more we discourage men from this, the less frequently men will be willing to do nice things, for that simple reason - being nice.
-Taran